Recent Blog Posts
What should you reconsider after filing for divorce?
In Texas, there’s a 60-day “cool-off” period between the time you file a petition for a divorce and the time the court can grant it. The law is purposefully designed to give couples a chance to reconsider. Divorce is, after all, a big step and highly disruptive to the lives of everyone in the family.
So, if you’re one of the many people who have decided that January is the time to move forward with their divorce, should you reconsider your decision?
Here are some of the signs that your marriage really is over:
- You’d rather be alone than with your spouse. Maybe you can’t stand each other or maybe you just don’t interest each other anymore, but that’s a sure sign that neither of you is with the right person.
Support for a disabled child’s needs
When a child has special needs, you know that there are often unexpected expenses waiting around every corner. Many of those needs should be factored into a request for child support so that you — as your child’s primary physical custodian — don’t end up footing an uneven part of the bills.
Here are some of the most commonly overlooked expenses that a special needs child may have:
- Handicapped transportation services: Your child will have to get back and forth to appointments, school, therapy and more — and that requires transportation. Whether you should ask your ex-spouse to cover part of the cost of transport services or modifications to your vehicle depends mostly on your situation.
- Exercise equipment: Many children with special needs require physical therapy. In-home exercise equipment is sometimes the best solution — but it’s prohibitively expensive for many.
Texas judge’s Facebook post stirs trouble in custody case
There’s been a very public and highly-charged custody case going on in Texas regarding a transgender child that has conservative lawmakers and action groups in an uproar. We’ve discussed the many twists and turns in this case before — but a new incident has now thrown the case back into the spotlight prematurely — and illustrates some of the dangers of trying a custody case in modern times.
Dallas County Judge Kim Cooks presided over a trial by jury in the custody case a few months ago. In that trial, the father of the child, who was assigned male at birth but identifies as female, demanded full custody of the child. He claimed that his wife was forcing the child to identify as a girl and wanted to emasculate him. The jury agreed that one parent should have full custody — but said it should be the child’s mother, instead.
Judge Cooks disregarded the jury’s recommendation and left the current custody order in place — which gave both parents equal say in their child’s life. Some speculated that political pressure from higher up may have influenced her decision — since it is highly unusual to just ignore a jury’s decision.
How do you win a custody battle?
For divorcing parents, their No. 1 concern about “what happens next” is usually focused around the children. Many parents want to know how to win their custody case and are looking for reassurance that they can succeed.
Let’s talk about what you can do to improve your chances of doing just that. Here are some of the things you need to do:
1. Define what “winning” means for your situation
The ultimate goal should be making certain that your children are safe and have everything they need to thrive and be happy. In most cases, that means having a good relationship with both their parents. You may need to revise your approach to the custody situation and realize that “winning” doesn’t necessarily mean “exclusive custody.”
2. Be cooperative about parenting
Thinking about divorce during the holidays? You aren’t alone
The holiday season tends to put a lot of things about your familial relationships into sharp focus — particularly when those relationships leave something to be desired. Although people seldom disrupt the holiday celebrations by filing for divorce without a triggering event, it isn’t unusual for someone to quietly harbor a sense that it’s time to end their marriage and move on.
In fact, it happens all the time. According to at least one recent survey, there’s a spike in the divorce rate by about one-third immediately after the Christmas season is over.
Why? Well, turn on the Hallmark Channel or Netflix and take a look. Watch the ads you see on television. People are bombarded with images of happy family life and well-matched couples who are deeply in love. Given the financial and time constraints of the season, it’s easy to become frustrated in real life when that life doesn’t match up to the ideals that you’re being told exist — or the ones that you have in your head about what a marriage should be like.
Getting through the first holiday season after divorce
Now that you have divorced, it may seem like the only people who invite you to holiday get-togethers are happily married couples, and you decline because you would feel like the odd person out.
There is also the loneliness factor to manage. How can you rise above it and get a grip on your bah-humbug attitude?
Holidays and stress
While married, you probably looked forward to the holidays, especially if you have children. However, there was so much to do and so much expected of you that even then, the holidays may have left you feeling stressed out. Now that you are divorced or are in the process of ending your marriage, the amount of stress seems to have doubled. You no longer have the support of family around you, and the holidays have taken on a whole different aspect.
More misery
Some divorced people think of themselves as failures. They see smiling couples who appear to be very happy, which adds to their feelings of inadequacy. They cling to the pain of the past and make no attempt to move forward. This includes trying to recreate family traditions around the holidays that no longer work the way they used to.
Who gets what? Understanding property division in your divorce
Money disputes can be among the biggest conflicts in a marriage, so a lot of couples are opting to keep separate bank accounts in addition to a “household” account that’s jointly owned and used to pay the bills. That way, each spouse retains control over their own money and a certain measure of financial autonomy from the other spouse.
Except that distinction between what is “yours” and what is “your spouse’s” may not really exist once you decide to divorce. That fact can be an unpleasant surprise — particularly to the spouse who was more fiscally conservative or invested wisely. Separate bank accounts during your marriage may provide the illusion of separate funds — but the money that’s in those accounts may be considered marital property by the court.
Divorce movies to help you cope with your own split
Movies help people relax and take their minds off their woes, so why would you want to watch a movie about a divorce when you’re already going through one?
Since you’re “outside looking in,” you can see things a little more clearly than the characters in the film. When the film relates back to your own life, that’s a new way to gain some perspective on your situation. Besides, when you’re going through a divorce, the last thing you may feel like watching is another romantic comedy on the Hallmark channel.
Here’s what to watch instead:
“Marriage Story“
The latest in its genre, this movie hits the little screen on December 6. It takes a funny, romantic, realistic and worthwhile look at what happens after the marriage ends in a divorce.
“The First Wives Club“
Protect your special needs child following divorce
Being the parent of a special needs child can be daunting and lonely. It may often feel like nobody quite understands exactly what struggles you’re going through — nor do they understand your fears for your child’s future. After all, children with special needs eventually become adults with special needs.
In Texas, it’s important to understand that child support does not necessarily end once a special-needs child turns 18 years of age. In fact, the obligation your ex-spouse has to pay child support may continue for as long as your child is alive.
When deciding whether or not child support should continue past a dependent’s 18th birthday, the court may consider whatever evidence it thinks is relevant. You may be able to show that your child needs things like:
- Medical supplies or treatment that isn’t covered by insurance
- Therapy, including behavioral therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy and more
- Specialized transportation, including a modified vehicle
How a Texas child custody case spotlights transgender issues
Texas has captured the nation’s attention — albeit involuntarily — when it comes to the rights of transgender children due to a custody case that has been setting the tone for what can happen when two parents disagree very deeply on what’s best for their child.
At issue is the gender-identity of one 7-year-old child. Although biologically male, the child’s mother asserts that the child has identified as a girl since the age of 5 — and her gender expression was already evident well before then. In her corner, she has the testimony of family members, physicians, school staff members and a jury’s decision granting her full custody of the child.
Standing opposed is the child’s father. He insists that the child is a boy — no matter what anybody else says. His refusal to accommodate the child’s gender expression and insistence that the child should wear masculine clothing and answer to a masculine name has cost him custody in a civil trial before a jury.