How to Prepare to Divorce a Narcissist

 Posted on February 19, 2026 in Divorce

Deciding to end your marriage is never easy. When your spouse shows signs of narcissistic behavior, it can be even harder. Narcissists are notorious for wanting control and manipulating situations to their own advantage. The thought of divorcing one may be exhausting or even frightening. If you’re wondering how you can prepare yourself, a San Antonio divorce attorney can help you move forward with confidence.

Why Does Narcissistic Behavior Make Divorce So Hard?

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a recognized mental health condition. People with NPD often show a pattern of needing admiration, lacking empathy for others, and believing they are more important than everyone around them. The Mayo Clinic describes narcissism as a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance.

Not everyone who behaves this way is a "true" narcissist, but any tendencies towards these behaviors can make your divorce very difficult. Divorcing a narcissist tends to be harder than a typical divorce because they might:

• Refuse to accept that the marriage is over and use manipulation to get you to stay
• See the divorce as a personal attack and respond in very extreme ways
• View the divorce as a contest that needs to be won at all costs
• Deliberately make all parts of the divorce harder for you to feel like they’re in control
• Be dishonest about finances or hide assets (this is a crime under the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act)
• Use children as leverage
• Try to turn friends, family, or even the court against you

How Should I Prepare Before Filing for Divorce from a Narcissist?

Preparation is everything when you are divorcing someone with narcissistic tendencies. Taking careful steps before you file can make a big difference in how the process goes.

Gather Important Financial Documents

Before your spouse knows you are filing, collect copies of key financial records. This includes:

• Tax returns from the last three to five years
• Bank and investment account statements
• Mortgage documents and property records
• Pay stubs and proof of income for both spouses
• Any business records if your spouse owns a business

Not letting them know that you are getting info in preparation for a divorce is important. They may lock you out of accounts to try to prevent you from getting the needed information.

Build a Support System

Divorcing a narcissist is emotionally draining. You need people in your corner who understand what you are going through. A therapist or counselor who has worked with people leaving narcissistic relationships can be very helpful. Lean on trusted friends and family who will not share information with your spouse.

Limit Communication and Set Boundaries

Once you decide to file, keep direct communication with your spouse to a minimum. When you do communicate, stick to written messages like email or text so there is a record. Do not engage in arguments or try to defend yourself. Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions. The less you give them, the less power they have over you.

Plan for Their Reaction

A narcissist may respond to divorce papers in extreme ways. They might swing between trying to win you back with grand gestures and threatening you. Be prepared for this and do not let it change your plans. If you feel unsafe at any point, contact local law enforcement and speak with your attorney right away about a protective order.

What Should I Look for in a Divorce Attorney When My Spouse Is a Narcissist?

Choosing the right legal help matters more than usual in this kind of divorce. You want someone who understands high-conflict divorce and can adjust their strategy to accommodate it.

Look for an attorney who:

• Has handled high-conflict or contested divorces before
• Understands how manipulation can show up in legal proceedings
• Will not be put off by delay tactics or drama, or irrational behavior from your spouse
• Communicates clearly and keeps you well-informed
• Can help you stay focused on your long-term goals rather than short-term emotional fights

It also helps to do all your communicating with your spouse through your attorney's office once the process begins. This protects you, leaves a record of interactions, and reduces the chances of your spouse doing something to throw you off track.

Staying firm on your goals is important. Narcissists often try to drag out negotiations or push you into an agreement that is not in your best interest. Decide in advance what you need from the settlement and hold to it. Tell your lawyer so they can help you.

Call a Bexar County Divorce Lawyer Today

Divorcing a narcissist is a whole different ball game from a typical divorce. You deserve to have steady, confident legal help. A San Antonio divorce attorney can help you make decisions and stay on track, even when your spouse tries to make things difficult.

Brandon Wong & Associates practices family law exclusively, which means our full focus is on cases like yours. Call us today at 210-201-3832 to speak with a lawyer about your situation.