It’s always all about your spouse. If you have something you want to do but it isn’t something they approve of, they make you feel terrible about it. They make life about their experiences and make it seem like they’re the best thing that has ever happened to you, even though you feel terrible in your relationship.
If this sounds familiar, you may be getting ready to divorce a narcissist. Divorcing is tough regardless of who you’re leaving, but when you try to leave a narcissist, things could get messy. Here’s what you can do to prepare.
- Prepare to face irrational actions from your partner
The first thing to do is to prepare to face your partner being irrational. At first, they might fight to get you to stay. They may shower you with gifts and things you’ve wanted to do. That’s all to make you guilty and to get you to stay.
If you don’t give in, then you may find that your spouse quickly turns on you. They could become aggressive or angry. They might throw tantrums.
Don’t play into this. Simply state that you’re getting a divorce, and refer your spouse to your attorney’s office for further contact.
- Choose an attorney who has the knowledge of how narcissists work
You don’t want to go with an attorney who doesn’t understand how vindictive and manipulative a narcissist can be. Opt for an attorney who specializes in contentious divorces. Select someone who can build a strategy to help keep the divorce moving even when your spouse tries to stop it.
- Make a plan, and follow through
Finally, make a plan for your divorce and do everything you can to follow through with it. If you say you’ll agree to a certain settlement and nothing more, don’t be swayed. If you ask your ex not to contact you at certain times of day, report it when they do. Get a restraining order if it’s needed. Funnel all communication through your attorney’s office. Take the steps you need to take to stay safe and to give your ex as little ability to harm you as possible.
With the right approach, you’ll be able to get through this. Even if your ex doesn’t want to cooperate, you still have the right to divorce.