All marriages have their ups and downs. Nevertheless, if your union seems to have a greater number of bad days than good ones, marriage counseling may be an option. While couples therapy usually does not fix everything, it may be a convenient way to solve many of the problems with your marriage.
You can probably trust your marriage counselor to do his or her best. If you and your spouse commit to working with the counselor, you may improve your marriage. Still, couples counseling does not always stave off divorce. Here are three signs marriage counseling may not be working for you.
1. Your spouse is already done
When couples counseling works, spouses often wish they had started it significantly earlier. If you wait too long, though, your spouse may have already decided to call it quits. Continuing with counseling may not only waste your time, but it may also needlessly deplete your financial resources.
2. Your spouse keeps secrets
Marriage counseling should be a cooperative process that involves you, your spouse and a qualified therapist. Accordingly, there is often little room for secrets in couples therapy. If your spouse wants to keep critical matters private, the therapist may not be able to help. Put simply, it may be the secretive matters that are proving disastrous for your marriage.
3. Your spouse is reluctant to agree
Sometimes, one spouse wants to go to marriage counseling, while the other would rather stay home. If your partner is reluctant to agree to outside help, he or she may not be open to the hard work that often comes with comprehensive couples counseling. That is, if your spouse sees counseling as a waste of time, he or she may not make a good-faith effort to improve your union.
While couples therapy may not be working for you and your partner, there is a divorce-related upside to it. If you eventually decide to end your marriage, your spouse may agree to a collaborative divorce. After all, you may already have a track record of working with a neutral party to solve complex problems.