It’s entirely natural to worry about how your divorce might affect your relationship with your children. Are you worried that not being with your children every day ultimately means that you’ll grow apart? Isn’t that what always happens?
No, not really. In fact, many people become better parents after their divorce — even though they were already good parents before! Here’s why you might find it easier to parent after your divorce:
1. You’re happier
Being in an unhappy marriage makes for unhappy people. Once your divorce is final, you’ll be able to reclaim your individuality and move on. As you feel happier about your life, that can positively change the dynamics of your relationship with your child.
2. Your energy isn’t being wasted
Marriage is a lot of work, and a struggling marriage requires even more work. All that effort you were putting into your decaying relationship can be redirected once the divorce is over. Once you focus that energy on your relationship with your child, you may find a renewed capacity to engage with your child in more meaningful ways.
3. Your time is more focused
The fact that your time with your child is scheduled gives you an important reminder to enjoy the time you’re sharing. You can learn to stay present when you’re with your child — rather than “check out” mentally or get lost on your phone. Scheduled time can help you make conscious choices about what you want your child to experience — and lead to a happier childhood.
If you’re struggling to work out a child custody agreement that makes sense, talk to an attorney about your options.